Today we are going to discuss a topic that makes a lot of people wince when they’re trying to reach into their bag of excuses as to why they can’t do stuff… making time in your schedule for YOURSELF. Let’s figure out how the fuck one does this, we’ll talk about some tricks you can employ in your own life that may help, and things that have worked for us.
First, before we dip into the episode at full speed, I want to make sure this message about making time for yourself is in no way conflated with hustle culture. Fuck hustle culture, we need to rest. But there are times where we as individuals need to pull the reigns on ourselves and get our shit back in order. THAT is what this episode is about. Okay… now that that part is out of the way… we go!
MAKING TIME FOR YOURSELF IS IMPORTANT
Self-care this, self-care that… you hear the term “self-care” on social media so much that it may even now be meaningless, but it shouldn’t be. It’s an important aspect in making sure your mental and physical health are at their best.
- There are many reasons to incorporate time for yourself into your daily routine, and if you’re an introvert like me, you NEED it to recharge so you’re not a raging bitch to the world around you.
- During your allocated time, you can do whatever you want… reading, making music, videogames, painting, meditation… of course we are going to talk about how you should use that hour a day to hit the gym, but you knew this and that’s why you’re here.
- When you give yourself this time to reflect and breath, you can start to see what kind of self-care your brain and/or body require. Self-reflection is a very important tool we all should have in our kit. You start to understand yourself more… why you tick, and there’s nobody around that you need to impress so you can just be you and see what it feels like.
- Research has shown that spending time alone can be powerful in helping people boost self-esteem, people usually view themselves as loners if they choose not to spend time alone, but making that choice consciously doesn’t really feel lonely at all. Time is a gift, and you get to spend it with yourself for one li’l hour a day.
- Other research suggests that time alone can help you experience freedom, creativity, spirituality, and intimacy.
- Quiet alone time is “Sadie thinkie” time at my house… I do all of my best creative work after my husband goes to bed.
- Other research suggests that time alone can help you experience freedom, creativity, spirituality, and intimacy.
WHERE DO I EVEN START?
This part can be difficult depending on how much your executive function works. We pulled this list from an article pretty much verbatim because the list was so good we didn’t think it needed any changes. Links as always will be in the show notes on the website as soon as Sadie remembers to post them.
- Express your needs. It’s no one else’s job to guess what you need. So, if you’re in dire need of free time alone for your mental health, it’s important to express that.
- Let your friends and family know that you need to take time for yourself. Think of ways you can ask for their support to get that time if you’re struggling to figure it out.
- For instance, you could get an accountability partner who also takes time for themselves.
- Let your friends and family know that you need to take time for yourself. Think of ways you can ask for their support to get that time if you’re struggling to figure it out.
- Question your guilt. Do you feel guilty about taking time for yourself?
- Do you have mom guilt? If so, explore that guilt. Don’t push it back. Questioning yourself about your guilt is a key part of performing inner work.
- Ask yourself why you feel guilty for taking a little time for yourself. See what comes up, and address all of those reasons.
- If it helps, you can also journal about it. Write down every reason behind the guilt. Then, dig deeper and ask yourself whether this reason is actually true.
- For example, let’s say you feel guilty because your family needs you. While it may be true that your family needs you, will time for yourself truly prevent you from sustaining that need?
- What do they really need from you? Couldn’t you be more helpful and supportive for your family if you were well-rested and were able to recharge by taking some time for yourself? And finally, what are some of your needs that perhaps your family could help you meet?
- Do you have mom guilt? If so, explore that guilt. Don’t push it back. Questioning yourself about your guilt is a key part of performing inner work.
- Learn how to say no. Your time is precious. It’s the most finite resource you have.
- You’re allowed to say no to doing things you don’t feel like doing with your limited time. While it’s important to make compromises in your relationships, it’s also important not to say ‘yes’ to everything.
- If this is something you struggle with, start small before you tackle a big topic. Practice saying no to smaller things people ask from you. For instance, you could say no when someone requires your attention immediately while you were actually headed for a shower.
- Unless someone has an emergency, you don’t need to be at everyone’s beck and call at all times. And even in the case of an emergency, you don’t always have to be everyone’s savior. Learn to fill your cup before pouring from it.
- If this is something you struggle with, start small before you tackle a big topic. Practice saying no to smaller things people ask from you. For instance, you could say no when someone requires your attention immediately while you were actually headed for a shower.
- You’re allowed to say no to doing things you don’t feel like doing with your limited time. While it’s important to make compromises in your relationships, it’s also important not to say ‘yes’ to everything.
- Block out me-time each week (or every two weeks). If you have children, a partner, or other crucial responsibilities, claim a block of time every week to have time for yourself away from your everyday life and busy schedule.
- Your partner should do the same. Every caretaker should get undisputed time for themselves so that they can recharge and come back fresh.
- If it’s not possible to get this time for yourself every week, try every two weeks instead. Alternate weeks with your partner or with the other people you’re sharing responsibility with.
- If you don’t have a partner, reach out to people close to you. These people could be friends, family, or other important people in your life.
- If it’s not possible to get this time for yourself every week, try every two weeks instead. Alternate weeks with your partner or with the other people you’re sharing responsibility with.
- Your partner should do the same. Every caretaker should get undisputed time for themselves so that they can recharge and come back fresh.
- Set boundaries at work. Your employer is important to you since they provide you with a job. But you are just as important to them, if not more.
- With that in mind, set realistic boundaries with your employer. They usually set boundaries with their employees, and this should go both ways. For instance, you can set a limit by leaving on time instead of staying late almost every day. Such boundaries can help you achieve a healthy work-life balance and get that much-needed time alone.
- Take a solo lunch break. Eating lunch with teammates can be a great way to participate in the company culture. This is especially true if your employer hosts fun activities at work during this time.
- But sometimes, you may need alone time more than bonding time. Don’t feel guilty about taking your lunch break alone from time to time.
- Make a date with yourself. A date doesn’t have to be with other people. Make a point to mark a date with yourself in your calendar, just like you would if you had a date with a loved one.
- Respect the commitment to the date. If you respect others enough to show up, then you should respect yourself just as much.
- During your date, try activities you’ve always wanted to try. No one else can disagree with you.
- Respect the commitment to the date. If you respect others enough to show up, then you should respect yourself just as much.
- Try doing nothing. You don’t always have to be doing something productive. In fact, you don’t always have to be doing anything at all.
- While planning a date with yourself can be a great way to experiment with something new, you can also give yourself the time and space to do nothing.
- Doing nothing also means staying off technology. Make some coffee, find a good window to sit in front of, and breathe.
- While planning a date with yourself can be a great way to experiment with something new, you can also give yourself the time and space to do nothing.
- Find ways to be alone together with loved ones. It’s possible to spend time together with your loved ones, but on your own. In this way, everyone can be alone but still feel surrounded by those they love.
- For example, you can plan an hour of quiet reading time for everyone in your household. You can put on soothing background music, light a candle, and sit close by to someone else.
- Last but not least, implement an exercise routine. Find a form of physical exercise that you enjoy. This can be a great way to spend time with yourself. An exercise routine can greatly improve your physical health and well-being… we talk about this all the time.
- If you have children, look into finding a gym that has a daycare. That will make it easier to ensure you get enough time alone while you exercise.
- If you prefer to work out from home, look into virtual workouts that you can do from anywhere.
- If you have children, look into finding a gym that has a daycare. That will make it easier to ensure you get enough time alone while you exercise.
THINGS THAT WORK FOR US
- This is a department I could be doing better in, personally… but I always crawl through reddit comments when we do episodes just to see what other people’s perspectives are, and this post from “moeru-gumi” from 3 years ago really resonated with me:
- “One of the most useful things my therapist ever said to me was ‘Treat your body the way you treat one of your beloved pets.’ This clicked for me the way usual “exercise, eat well, drink water, sleep” advice never did. I had/have lots of issues and emotions around my body and her advice reminded me not to be angry at my body, which I realized is innocently just trying to stay alive and doesn’t know it’s making me dysphoric. But like any animal my body needs to be exercised, washed, and fed proper fancy food with enough protein, not bottom-shelf Friskies.”
- TL;DR – do better because you deserve the love just as much as anyone or anything else in your daily life that you care about.
- “One of the most useful things my therapist ever said to me was ‘Treat your body the way you treat one of your beloved pets.’ This clicked for me the way usual “exercise, eat well, drink water, sleep” advice never did. I had/have lots of issues and emotions around my body and her advice reminded me not to be angry at my body, which I realized is innocently just trying to stay alive and doesn’t know it’s making me dysphoric. But like any animal my body needs to be exercised, washed, and fed proper fancy food with enough protein, not bottom-shelf Friskies.”
https://www.betterup.com/blog/take-time-for-yourself
https://www.reddit.com/r/DecidingToBeBetter/comments/ny4is8/you_owe_yourself_one_hour_a_day_of_self/
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